This Time I Mean It

Yeah, this just isn't working. I'm still trying though. I haven't done anything this week, except go walking. It's that wonderful time of the month when every woman just feels so extra special in her life. *rolls eyes* I don't do anything at this time of month. I'm really pushing it with just the walking. At least now I know why I felt so down and hard on myself last week. I should of figured it out though. So this week I feel crappy, but I'm not beating myself up anymore.

Next week it's back to the gym and to my regular workout routine. Plus, my best friend is giving me her elliptical trainer. The only problem is I live in Richmond, Va and she lives in New Orleans, La. I have no idea how I'm going to get it here, but I want it. She has no idea how to get it out of her house and to the shipping place, but she wants to give it to me. I'm thinking if she can take it apart and put it in a box, we can have UPS or Fed Ex pick it up and then deliver it to me. I swear if I get it I will use it every single day.

I really need to get my butt into gear because the hubster's high school reunion is getting closer and closer. I basically have about a month now to whip it into shape. I keep saying every day I'm going to do it, yet, I haven't. So this time I mean it. No more Mc Fatty Fat Fat. I'm going to do it. I have to before I drop dead or get diabetes or something. I can't afford to have a heart attack. If I'm gone who else is going to spread my bubbly goodness? See, so many people need me. So I'm going to do it. I will.

*Sigh*

I just can't seem to get it together. I really want to lose weight, but I'm so not motivated to do it. I'm both annoyed and disgusted with myself. I hate looking at myself in a mirror and if I do, it's only from the neck up. I just feel fat. I can't blame anyone but myself. I haven't been to the gym since week 1 and part of that has been because my husband is technically out of town and with the boys being out of school for summer, I can't find the time. However, that's no real excuse. Especially, since I have so many workout programs here at home--Taebo, Sweating with the Spirit, Step Aerobics, Jump for Fitness, FitTV, and so many other things. There's no reason for me to be like this, but I can't help it. Most days I just want to sleep. I'm always so tired. And, I know it's because of the anemia, but I'm on iron pills now so that should be getting better soon.

But, still. I have no will power whatsoever. I might as well rename myself Fatty McFat Fat. I didn't need that extra hot dog or chicken nuggets, or McDonald's, or any of the crap I've been eating. I wanted it and I told myself I didn't care. But I did, I've always cared. I eat now and cry later. That's been my philosophy for so long. I know how to eat healthy and make smarter choices, but I don't. I give into the fat person who lives inside me that will soon break out if I don't control her. I just don't have the motivation to do so. I just want to take pity on myself. But what good does that do? Nothing, it just makes me fatter because I'm being a slump on the sofa or in bed.

I don't know. I know I need to get off my ass and move it. I know my kids and husband should be my motivation. In fact, I should be my motivation. I know I want to be around to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary, to see my boys graduate college, to help my future daughter find a wedding dress. Why can't I get off my ass? Why am I not motivated? I keep asking myself that when I know what my motivation is, but don't know how to accomplish my goal.

*sigh*

I'm Skipping Week 2

It's my body and I can skip if I want to. So there!

I just can't seem to get started this week. I am soooo tired and with the husband out of town, I'm not finding the time. I have continued to eat healthy. I backslid a little on Monday and had a hamburger and fries from McDonalds. A friend and I took a pole dancing class for exercise and we worked up quite a hunger. So we swung through the drive thru on the way home. The class was a lot of fun. I've decided to add it to my regular workout program as something fun to so I don't get bored. Plus, you can burn up to 400 calories per session. So Monday, I exercised a little at home and then did the pole dancing class. But then I ruined my work for the day with the burger and fries.

Yesterday, I was way to exhausted to do anything. I ended up going back to sleep for several hours after I dropped my youngest off for preschool. I was such a wreck. All I could do was sleep. Exercise was the last thing on my mind. Plus, the iron pills prescribed to me made my stomach hurt so badly. I ended up not eating anything yesterday except a glass of juice to take it with and a yogurt. My stomach just couldn't take any thing else. So I'm guessing I probably burned off like a million calories from sleep (hey, that was some super sleeping I did) combined with not being able to eat made up for not exercising.

Today, I'm even more exhausted. Plus, the boys are home and the hubster is out of town so I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it to the gym. But, I definitely going to try and do some step or at least yoga tonight. The iron pills are reeking havoc on my stomach again so I haven't eaten yet. I plan to just eat some fruit and something very light. A good recipe I got from Women's Prevention magazine for a delicious apple snack was

1 apple (cored and sliced)
2 tbsp of peanut butter
1 dash of cinnamon

mix the cinnamon and peanut and then spread on the apple slices. 276 calories, 8g of protein, 30g of carbohydrates, 17g of fat, 3g of saturated fat, 8g of fiber, 1mg of sodium.

I really love this snack along with their Chocoberry Smoothie

1/2 cup low-fat chocolate ice cream
1/2 cup of frozen raspberries
1/2 cup of low-fat chocolate milk
1 tbsp of chocolate whey protein powder
1/2 banana
3 ice cubes

blend well. 340 calories, 17g of protein, 56g of carbohydrates, 7g of fat, 4g of saturated fat, 6g of fiber, 145mg of sodium. If you drink it before a workout, instead of after, it'll help increase strength.

See? I like to share. I'm not stingy. So if you have a great recipe to share, please do.

So hopefully, this week will shape up better. I've still got 3 more days.

Okay, So Week 1 is done

The week was successful, well, sort of. I have been working out which is a big plus. I did three days at the gym. Two days of intense walking (one of those days I was carrying around my youngest munchkin who is 29 lbs) and one day of step aerobics at home. So I've been doing well on the getting out and about aspect and staying active. But, my healthy lifestyle eating is still in the works. Thankfully, I know it's not an overnight thing so I'm not beating myself up too badly. I'm really just being lazy with the healthy eating thing. I went to the store on Wednesday and filled my cart with healthier alternatives-lean chicken and turkey, fruits, veggies, and healthier snacks. Although, if you've been to my house, you know I've got gallons of water. I'm allergic to tap water. Okay not really, I just think it tastes awful. We already eat wheat grain breads and pasta, so we're on the right track.

Someone suggested turkey bacon in a comment. Thanks! I've always known about turkey bacon and thoroughly enjoyed it until an ex-boyfriend ruined the whole experience. He was a turkey bacon whore. He loved it and ate it all day every day religiously. For some stupid reason, he assumed he could eat as much as he wanted because it was healthier than pork bacon. Yeah, um, okay genius. So when he couldn't get the last 15 lbs off,(OMG, he whined ALL the time about his weight) he complained. Well, hello Einstein, put two and two together and figure out the answer. Just because something is healthy doesn't mean you can consume as much as you want. Knock knock. Who's there? Portion. Portion who? Portion control, you idiot!

So back on topic, I'm glad I rediscovered turkey bacon. I can't remember who commented about it, but thanks and I wish you 15lbs lighter. So anyway, I'll be honest and say I've made some really good choices this week about my eating habits and two bad ones. Well, maybe just one really bad one. Saturday I went to lunch with my good friend after we did the Walk for Change campaign to raise awareness for Barack Obama. We went to Uno's and I ordered a meal that metamorphosed directly into belly fat the moment I swallowed it. I had the "Bring Home the Bacon" burger and the skinless loaded baked potato. I washed it down with a pepsi, a smoothie, and a glass of water. No, wait, I didn't drink the water because it tasted like toilet water with lemon. Please, don't ask how I know what toilet water tastes like. So I was really bad. But, in my defense I did step aerobics later that evening.

My other not so good choice, which I don't think was really that bad was going to Red Lobster. I got the Boston Iced Tea which was really just brown colored cranberry juice. I still drank it though because I knew it was a smarter choice than anything else. I got their grilled chicken on a bed of rice pilaf with the steamed vegetables. Yeah, I know what your thinking "oh that's not bad". Well, it wasn't especially since I asked for a portion controlled size. But, here's where I went bad. I stole some of my kids' french fries. Yeah, I know two sins with one stone. I stole, and then lied to them about what happened to them. Thankfully they are only 3 and 4 and can't really rationalize yet that mommy is a french fry thief. To top off the meal, my husband ordered the banana fosters cheesecake. Dude, that's my favorite kind of cheesecake. Nobody does it like Copelands' Cheesecake Bistro in New Orleans. But, this wasn't New Orleans so I shouldn't of been tempted, right? We got it to go so we could share it later. Actually, we just wanted to eat it without having the kids ask us for some. Yeah, we're those kind of parents. I wasn't too bad though, I only ate a few bites. Really, mainly the crust and the whipped cream. You know, I think I could live off the crust on cheesecakes and whipped cream.

So technically, I did okay. If you count me devouring Prince with my eyes while watching Purple Rain last night, then I was really bad. I swear I could just eat him up. Oh, Prince...and Barack...and Will...and Sawyer...and of course Derrick. *sigh*. Just one more reason for me to get sexy and healthy.

Fat:1 Makita: 1/2

So far so good. I went to the gym yesterday again and it went really well. My arms were very sore from the day before, but I worked through the pain. No pain, no gain... right? I did an hour of cardio on some machine. I'm not sure what it's called but I know it's an elliptical machine. It's like a bike, except it has no seat to sit down. I know they have trekking classes using those machines, so I guess it's a Trekker? I don't know. All I know is it kicked my butt. I did the aerobics option and it was a hell of a ride. First, I went really slow, then fast, then slow, then just using my legs, then just using my arms. And then, just as I was about to die, it switched directions on me. So I was cycling in reverse. It was rough. I started panting and the only lady next to me moved to another machine. Well, shoot it was hard work. What else was she expecting me to do? Grin and bare it with a smile. Please! I was really proud of myself for sticking it out for an hour. I ended the workout with some stretches and then Yoga. I like Yoga, however I can never get the whole meditation and quieting your mind thing. My mind runs a mile a minute and it never slows down. So I always just skip that part and just do the positions.

I ended up having to grab lunch on the go which turned out to be really good. I went to Chic Fila and managed to get one of their cool wraps. I was able to avoid their oh so freaking delicious waffle fries and cooling milkshakes and tasty cheesecake. Crap, what have I gotten myself into?

So I had the cool wrap which was really good. Basically, it's a salad wrapped up to go. I got the low fat dressing and an Iced-Tea. Very tasty! So I managed to avoid all the bad stuff and not tackle an innocent bystander enjoying their food. There was this lady there who was making her fries look as if they were the best thing she's tasted in a long time. Her eyes were twinkling with delight and desire. I was so jealous. Wait, maybe she was really looking at the guy sitting across from her. Hmm...I'll have to look into that.

Today is home day. So I'm going to do some step aerobics later this evening after the boys have fallen asleep. I love doing step at home. Actually, I can only do step at home. I'm so uncoordinated when it comes to following directions that involve body movement. I've tried twice at the gym and each time I look so stupid. While the class is going left, I'm going right. They're going up, I'm going down. They're doing around the world, I'm doing the V step. I always get really lost and then the instructor always comes to stand next to me, yeah, like that makes me feel any better. So I suck in public when it comes to stepping. So I do it in the privacy of my own home where no one can see me.

So far, fat is still in the lead by 1/2 a point. Only because I gave him a head start. It's okay though because when I hit him hard, he won't know it until tomorrow. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow. But I promise you, it's coming.

Fat:1 Makita:0

So I embarked on my journey to a healthy lifestyle today. Overall, it went pretty well, but I have to say fat was the winner today. I went to the gym today. I felt like I had walked into an entirely new gym. They have done a lot of remodeling in the two months I've been gone. My personal trainer looked a little surprised to see me. We talked and she's wishing me the best.

She weighed me today and it turns out I'm actually 187lbs. Correction, I'm 187.8lbs. Which in my opinion isn't bad considering I haven't been to the gym in two months. And all I've gained is 3lbs. That's not too shabby in my book. We also did my measurements. And, again I have to say I haven't done too badly. I've only gained 2 inches in my waist and 3 1/2 inches in my abdomen. My waist is 36 1/2 inches and my abdomen is 39 1/2 inches. So I want to lose 6 inches off my waist and 9 off my waist. My hips are 42 inches. I love my hips! I always have. I'll never forget when I was in high school that my secret crush, Skylar, told me "Dang girl, you've got some nice hips" *sigh*. I would like to lose 6 inches off my hips even though they are awesome. I'd love to lose these boulders I call breast, but I've grown to accept them. However, if my chest does miraculously become smaller, you won't see me shedding any tears. I'd give anything to wear a spaghetti strap shirt.

Surprisingly, my body mass index has actually gone down in the two months I've done nothing. But before I post it I need to get something straight with my personal trainer. According the scale at the gym it's 42.3%, however every other BMI calculator I've used says its 30.8%. That's one hell of a difference. Either way though I'm still considered obese. But if you ask me, as long as I can still get up and move around on my own I'm not obese. Fat, yes. Obese, no. Maybe it's just me, but when I think of an obese person I think of the people they show on the TLC channel who are so big they can't move on their own. In a way it saddens me because I know I never want to get like that. And, it makes me sad to see them like that because I know it must be hard living like that.

But back to the topic. So fat won today and I lost. But I tell you what, fat better watch it's back. I've got all kinds of tricks up my sleeve. And I'll be honest. I fight dirty. So fat consider this your warning because it's the only one you're going to get.

I'm Ready

Oh, how I dined on the finest swine. I filled up today on the Meat Lover's pizza from Pizza Hut. Sausage, pepperoni, ham, and bacon...oh my! Washed down with a tall glass of Iced Tea. Oh, what a treat it was. Now, I am prepared to face my challenge of doing healthy right and leaving behind all of the unhealthy choices I have made. It's never too late to start on a healthy lifestyle. At least, I hope it's not or I'm in big trouble. I've got the okay from my doctor to embark on my journey, so I'm set to go.

I can just imagine the look on the receptionist's face tomorrow when I walk in the gym. The last time I saw her was two months ago when I so enthusiastically ended our conversation with "See you tomorrow." Either tomorrow really means two months or I'm really bad at reading a calendar. I don't even want to think about what my personal trainer is going to say. I imagine she really can't say too much considering she isn't that much of a personal trainer. Really, she's just someone who showed me how to use the machines. And, to be honest, from watching all the infomercials I already knew how to use the machines. But, she's a great person and I can honestly call her my friend. And, since she's my friend she'll most likely laugh at me at first and then give me her full support.

So to help me prepare for the journey, I rediscovered my workout clothes. I felt so bad for them, just sitting in the closet inside a box that was pushed way to the back. Hidden beneath the box was my gym shoes and gym bag. Poor things haven't seen the light of day in so long. Now freshly washed and folded neatly, they are ready to delight in my sweat tomorrow as I burn away this fatty flesh. I have to say I am really proud of them. I got them from my favorite of favorite stores, Ross, a few months ago. I stood in the dressing room for about a half an hour debating on whether they were worth the price or not. Oh who am I kidding? Everyone knows that everything at Ross is affordable and worth the price. But my dilemma was really about whether or not I really needed workout clothes that promised to keep me dry while sweating. Apparently they have some kind of fiber that is anti-sweat. I don't know, I can't remember what the label claimed. I mean, I was doing just fine with the "I *heart* NY" tee shirts and sweat pants. So I broke down and bought them. Two pair of shorts, 3 pair of pants, and 4 shirts. I wore one shirt and one pair of shorts to the gym the next day. Turned out that was the last day I went to the gym. Go figure. The clothes did feel great though.

So I'm ready to take on a healthy lifestyle. I dined on the divine swine. I've got the "go for it" from my doctor. I've got great clothes to wear that are made with some super, magical fabric that is anti-sweat. I've got a gym membership card that is begging to be used. I've got a deadline of August 5th to get my body atleast 20lbs lighter. And most importantly I've got Spirit, yes I do! How about you?

Countdown to Day 1

I have two days until Operation Fitness a.k.a "I'm going to look so hot that songs will be named after me to praise my beauty and my fabulous booty." So two days to go. On Monday, fast food will no longer be apart of my regime, late night eating will be a thing of the past, and donut binges will be outlawed. No more excuses on why I can't go to the gym, or go outside walking, or "I can't exercise right now because AMC or Lost is coming on and I've got to see what happened." Nope, I can't use any of those excuses any more. Besides, it's summer and everything worth watching on tv has already had it's season finale. Therefore I have until late September to get it together and lose this weight that's been carrying me.

So my plan for today is to get as much greasy, fattening, barbecued covered food into my body as possible. Ooh and I can't forget the donuts. If I pace myself, I can probably knock back a good dozen. Okay, okay! I know that's not healthy and I'd probably have a heart attack before I could even make it to day one. So, I'll compromise with just having the dozen donuts. I promise not to scarf them all down in one day. I'll *try* to share with my family.

My overall goal is to lose 45 lbs before the end of the year. But since I have an engagement to attend with my husband in August. My goal for now is to drop 20lbs before August 5th. Can I do it? Probably. If I can leave the junkie food alone and focus on fitness I can have a banging body in no time. I'd post my weight, but you wouldn't believe me anyway. Oh what the hell! I weigh 184lbs. Yep, I do. Doesn't look like it though, does it? Thankfully (and sadly) I have one of those body frames that proportions itself very nicely. The only downside to that is no one ever believes me when I say how much I weigh because it doesn't look like it. The only thing people can notice is my belly fat. It's not bad, but it's not good either. Let's just say I won't be wearing anything tight any time soon. So my goal is to lose 20lbs and flatten my stomach. After I go to the gym on Monday, I'll post my measurements and set a goal for losing inches off my waist. The rest of my body is awesome, if I say so myself, so I'm only concerned about losing inches off my waist. To complete my package I want to tone and firm my body as well.

So my plan is to cut out unhealthy food. Well, at least for the most part. I'm not going to deny myself an artery clogging burger when my body is begging for one. I'm just going to be smart about it from now on. If I have the burger, it no longer needs to be dripping with bacon, extra cheese, and ranch. Mmmm, bacon...

What was I saying? Oh right, cutting out healthy food, exercising, and becoming more active. The boys are home with me this summer so I know we'll be out there fooling around playing. I'm going to try walking in the morning or evening on the days I can't make it to the gym. And, meeting up with friends to workout with. The biggest part of my plan is to have motivation. And to remember that I'm not dieting, I'm on a lifestyle change.

Fitness is a journey, not a destination. All I can hope is that I don't get sidetracked on my journey.

Now about those donuts...

Edited to add the "oh look at me I'm so sad because I'm overweight, but just wait until I lose all this weight. I'm going to be smiling bright, the picture will be clearer, and I'll be extra tanned and buff" picture.