My Personal Trainer

So who needs to hire a personal trainer when you have an almost 5 year old who will gladly whip your butt into shape? Correction whip your "big butt" into shape. There are few things in life I'm not open to trying. I think I'm pretty adventurous. Okay wait, here I am lying again. I'm not that adventurous. Just mildly adventurous as long as it doesn't involve needles, sex with strangers (or anyone who isn't my husband), bridges, and a bunch of other things listed on my "Oh Hell Naw" list. So anyway, one thing I am gladly adding to the list is taking my soon to be 5 but I really think he's going on 15 son into the dressing room with me. Last Tuesday, I got a call back for a job interview. No, no, don't get excited...the job blows. So, here I am on Tuesday looking for a suit for the interview. Since I'm not fond of leaving my children outside to fend for themselves against perverts and other losers I bring them into the dressing room with me. Now my 4 1/2 month old is just precious. He's sleeping his little heart out in the stroller. But my soon to be 5 year old? Nope. Wide awake and ready to make mommy feel good about her body. "Mommy, your butt is blocking my head in the mirror" "I don't think those pants fit they look like they are hurting" "I can't see cause your booty is taking up all the room" "How come you got all those lines on your stomach? They look like tiger stripes. Are you a tiger? Are you sure?" "Your booty looks like it's eating those pants" Gee thanks son! You make mommy so proud. And of course you made the lady is the next dressing room snort with laughter.

But oh it doesn't end there. Tuesday, I forgot to workout because I was so nervous about the interview on Wednesday. So Wednesday gets here and I go on my interview and yadda yadda yadda. I get back home and after talking with the hubster, I decide to go workout. I'm in the middle of my workout when my little terror, oops, I meant my soon to be 5 year old comes in and says "Hey! You didn't work out with Billy yesterday so you need to do extra today." I pretend not to hear him and keep working. So I finish the tape and start working on my abs when he starts yelling at me to "feel the burn" and to "push it" and my personal favorite "a minute of the chips is a lifetime on the hips". What made it worse it while I was doing my pushups he thought it appropriate to sit on my back! And wouldn't get off until I had counted out five. Who in the hell was this child? Surely, not my little guy? I ended up getting one hell of a workout thanks to him and his stubborn attitude. And to top it all off once we finished he said "great job mommy, you're doing great, but you're butt is still big." LOL, kids