My Fat Ass is Back And Its Not Pretty

It has been several months since I've last written. I wish I could say I had nothing but wonderful news, but nope I don't. My fat ass has come back and its not pretty. At all. I haven't weighed myself yet, but I can bet my last dollar (actually, I only have about 42 cents in my pocket) that my weight matches my fat ass....huge. I know you're thinking "girl, what happened? You was looking fabulous!" Well, I'll tell you what happened. Mainly, its a sob story and since this isn't Lifetime, I'll just cut to the chase. My Dad's cancer came back, I had a hard time looking for a job, my emotional health plummeted, and I got lazy. So to make myself feel better I called up my old friends Otis Spunkmeyer and Little Debbie. And, we all partied until the fat started piling back on. I also started a love affair with Frito Lay. It is what it is. And while I'm not ashamed because shit we all have our bad moments, I am disappointed in myself. Cause I *knew* better. Yet, I didn't care. But I guess when you are depressed, you don't care about a whole lot anyway.

So why do I care now? I don't know. I mean, I don't have any special trips planned or want to win a contest or anything. I guess its cause I look in the mirror and I'm like "who the hell is that fat bitch? EWWWW." I know you all are thinking "girl, you still look good." Yeah, okay, if you say so. But I don't feel good. My belly makes me look 5 months pregnant and my thighs rub together. Not good. Not good at all. So here I am again in a new year trying to be a new me.

Will I diet? No, I never diet. But I will get back to eating healthier and more importantly learning how to TALK my problems out instead of trying to cover the pain with food. Maybe I'll reward myself with something along the way to help me reach my goal. The first thing I need to do is get my ass on the scale so I can take ownership of the fat. And then from there I'll proceed.